weaktwos: (Default)
[personal profile] weaktwos
So here's where I chronicle my thoughts of the game and commercials as they are played. But mostly the commercials. So, in case you missed it, and want to save yourself some time...

Drillbit Taylor - Well, Owen has already attempted suicide, why doesn't he go for career suicide, too? I hope this movie does well and funds his therapy sessions.

AT&T: More bars from AT&T! What does this mean? You'll be staggering to your nearest watering hole to swallow booze along with your tears because you realized your calls still drop. It's just that now they drop with an apparent full signal.

House - Like every other case, it's House's most challenging. And this one will feature power tools. Rock.

Ford F150 -Certain as the sun, auto-makers must have a manly truck commercial. What better way to say your truck is better than anyone else's because its tow hooks can survive a centrifuge. Sure, we haven't seen it drive yet. But this could be another reason Ford stands for "Found On Road Dead": Shaken Truck Syndrome. Well, rest assured, when your truck gets towed, the tow hooks will not falter. Don't make me imagine how strong the rest of the truck is, you twits. The rest of that truck is made of styrofome for all I can tell. Ford Marketing Department: you're fired.

Bud Light: Ah, romance. Nothing says says "fresh breath" like being able to set candles aflame. And this lucky lady happens to have invited a blind date over who can do just that. Oh, Mr. Boombastic has allergies? I hope you like Cajun! And while your cat now hates strangers, the flee problem is a a momentary hiatus. Now, just imagine what mister firebreath is like when he loses control of his faculties in bed! This time, it won't be Farah Fawcett's fault. I guess this commercial was okay for slapstick values.

Audi - Camera shot of big house, old man in bed. Scary music. Gross man hands. Oh, it's oil on his fingers. It's an Audi commercial, delighting us with a variation on the Godfather-Horse-head gag. This time it's the grill of an old luxry car. Was it a Rolls? Okay, kinda cute, but I'm not won over.

Pepsi Max - What is love? Widespread mild narcolepsie. Nice hit on the swing. Hey, they are like Bobbleheads. Head butt to the soup. But drinking Pepsi Max turns you into those assholes from Night at the Roxbury. I think I'll pass. Chris Cattan agrees, but I'm sure he's happy to have the cash.
SalesGenie.com - A cartoon for Sales Genie. Meh. Given the accent of the salesman, why is this commercial airing here? Do we have our Indian Call Center friends watching the Superbowl, too?

Bridgestone - A squirrel. A nut. Awww. A CAR! Small woodland creatures everywhere are screaming! Thankfully, the car has Bridgestone tires and avoids greasing the squirrel with poor hearing. Yes, screaming furballs are cute. This is a perfect time to mention that if this couple ran into a tree because they lost control after avoiding the squirrel, it would have been an at-fault accident. Any damage from hidding an animal on the road is a comprehensive loss. Moral of the story: Pick your peril: memories of killing an animal, or three years of higher insurance rates.

Yay! The Terminator bot just owned the Fox Testosterone Superbowl bot. That's a promotion I can get behind.

The Doritos Crash the Party singer. She's alright, but not inspiring. She's got a great future for commercials, though.

American Idol will be better than ever! I still won't watch it.

Top of Second Quarter, Patriots sneak in a touch down. Nice work. The Giants only managed 3 points in the first quarter. I think this will be a tough game.

Wanted - Angelina Jolie Bullets, assassins, Slow-motion shots. Nothing too new Okay, fun for a lightweight entertainment

Go Daddy - Another years of nerdy men and hot women. Boring. I don't want to do business with them anymore.

Dell - Some guy getting admired by numerous strangers because he has a Dell. I have a Dell. That shit doesn't happen to me. False advertising. Oh I get it. I don't have a red Dell. I don't want to have that problem when I walk down a street.

Fed Ex - An office. Mechanical Carrier Pigeons. Mega Carrier Pigeons. Wreaking havoc on the city. This is kinda fun. I give this commercial a thumbs up.

Cars.com - Stone circle deathmatch. Sort of cute.

Tide - the talking stain. Everyone's worst fear. I thought this was clever. I like those stain pens, too.

I think the patriots will win because their uniforms look more cool.

Budweiser - The Clydesdales. Thunder! You're up! Hank loses. Wait 'til the driver learns why his name is "thunder". The dalmation is Hank's best buddy! He will help Hank Train! Go Hank go! Hank overdoes it by pulling trains. But it makes him a shoe in for the next year! Very cute. I'm a sucker for the Clydesdale commercials. What we don't see, however, is because Hank took steroids and over-Trained, he jets the Clydesdale team into the broadside of a barn. There were no survivors. Okay, so I'm a killjoy!

Ironman - Sexy! I loves me some Robert Downy Jr. He's a helluva lot better than his nutty dad. Oh yeah, I'll go see it.

Was that a fight between two football players ( players 87 and 15 from NY and NE, respectively), or were they arranging for some steamy manly hookup later? I guess we'll never know.

Toyota - Sleeping Badgers. Good fun. Cute, and a deadly ending.

Leatherheads: I'm always good for a Clooney film. So yeah, I'll see it .

Garmin - Okay, creative anacrhonism has gone awry. Yes, the GPS is good. So good, in fact, that it can drive you into the past. To the years of Emperor Napolean and his Army. Yeah. The premise bites, and we've had a few centuries to overdo the Napolean jokes. Still, that was a cute pony.

I think the Fox Superbowl Bot is powered by Macho Man Randy Savage's brain.

Careerbuilder.com - An office. Drudgery. Boss eating lobster. Woman's heart pops out and grows legs. The Heart quits. Oh, we get it. Follow your heart. Cute. I was hoping the heart would beat the snot out of the Boss and give him a Lobster Enema, but you can't win 'em all. I say it's a good 'un.

Sobe Lifewater - A sexy woman and a beverage. A small lizard. High heels. She takes a drink, the lizard dives for a drop of the drink, and the lizards turn into zombies and do a Thriller Routine. The dancing lizards are cute, but why? Oh, it's a Sobe company. It all makes sense. I call it entertaining.

Anti-Drug Commercial - Except for the fact that the drug dealer looks vaguely like Harry Connick Jr, I was not interested.

GMC - A sisyphusian cartoon using minimalistic drawing techniques. And it turns out it's a GMC commercial. At least it's better than Ford's.

Bud Light - Mencia educating foreigners again. We make sandwich, I am meat. The moral is: it doesn't matter how much of a tool you are, as long as there's cheap beer around, it's all good.

The Chronic- "what?!"-cles of Narnia are back with Prince Caspian!

Planters - A woman with a rat-like face and a prominent mole is in an elevator. Hot guys are checking her out, running through glass windows, fawning over her on a bus. All because she rubs herself down with Planter's Cashews. I guess I gotta try that out. Wait, I already attract nutjobs. Nevermind.

Tmobile - Fav Five commercial with sports stars. Not too exciting.

Pepsistuff - Justin Timberlake gets yanked out of a restaurant and into the street.Up a skyscraper. There's Andy Samburg. Then into a body of water. Down a neighborhood street. Multiple hits to the crotch. Ouch. Quasi cute. Timberlake's delivery was pretty good, in addition to his pratfall. I'll give it a thumbs up. But that was too many hits to the meat 'n veg, guys.

Doritos: Opera. Man using a dorito to catch a mouse. Suddenly a giant mouse dives out of the diminuitive mouse hatch and attacks the Opera-loving Doritio-macker. Mouse 1 Man: 0. Do I want Nacho Cheese Doritos? No.

It's a good thing I'm Tivo-ing this. I can bypass this slow football game. Both teams are slow and steady. Oh wait! Giants intercept! That is exciting. Brady is taking a beating. Well played, Giants. But they couldn't score before the half. Ouch.

Daytona 500 ad - fast cars. Nascar of the future. Lots of sparks and chrome. I feel manlier already. Good graphics, folks. But I still won't watch Nascar.

Wow, Prop 94 and 97 ads...during a Superbowl? There's some money behind the california Indians.

Carl's Jr. - Yawn. I wouldn't pay $20 for their burgers. Bullshit. And old.

Les Schwab - What is service? Les Schwab has a heart warming commercial.

Oh, and then another commercial that claims the indian tribes don't support the Props 94-97. I'm so confused! The money behind these initiatives are astounding.

New Amsterdam looks a little interesting.

Half Time Show!
It's Tom Petty and the Pacemakers --er I mean Heartbreakers! I daresay, I've always enjoyed his work. Starting off with American Girl. Tom has a beard. He's had the same hairdo for years. Not as flamboyant as Prince, though. But then again, no need to worry about wardrobe malfunctions. Unless he forgot to zip his fly. And there's no evidence of that now. And no, Tom Petty still won't back down. I'll love them if they play "Don't Come Around Here No More". Well, not yet. We're Free Falling. I like Tom Petty, but this ain't Party Rock. This is mellow-out-don't-slip-a-disk-conservative-rock. I think I saw a firework go off. One. And there's a lava lamp like swirl out on the field. Did Tom Petty just have a tiny little stroke, or was he trying to flirt with one of the fans in the front row?

Okay, now they are rocking out with Running Down a Dream. This has some headbanging properties to it. But no one is going to be carried off the field to be put in Rock 'n Roll-traction, either.

Okay, so a respectable show and a respectable musician, but no jaw dropping controversy.

Carmax - Ship puns and costumes. Bonus points for the cute pun.

NFL Commercial - There's a blacksmith involved. Will he start branding players? No? rats.

Troy Aikman still looks like he hasn't had his Pepsi Max yet.

Zantac - yawn. That was a discount spot.

Will Ferrell's new movie. Meh.

Nascar and Claritin. Because no one wants to sneeze in their helmet. Boring commercial, so I had to make it more interesting by making up my own soundbite. See how that works?

Cars.com - Oh, it's the hot dude from Bones! And a Witch Doctor. It was kind of cute.
Oh, it's SalesGenie - this time, it's not an Indian guy. It's Pandas. Just what kind of sales leads are these?

Vitamin Water - It's a Horse Race....Shaquille O' Neal on "Chunk of Love". That's entertainment right there. Shaq as a Jockey. And we have Vitamin Water to thank.

More Terminator and Superbowl Asshat Bot fighting. Go Terminator, go!

I highly recommend watching the superbowl at the lowest fast forward speed on Tivo.

Bud Light - Cavemen. Square wheel problem. Oh, that's not it; it's a drunken Caveman problem.

Lame Gum commercial -

Bridgestone - Richard Simmons in the road! Okay, that was funnier than the squirrel.

CareerBuilder.com- Man hates job. A little firefly breaks out in song with man who hates job. Song interrupted when spider eats singing firefly. Wishing won't get you a new job. That's right kids. Hah! Good fun. Thumbs up.

Hyundai - Ah yes, the Genesis. We're going to compare it to a Mercedes, but it's a Hyundai.

Wall*E - Toy Story characters eating popcorn, a robot. Is it wally? No, it's Wall*E. And Wall*E will kill your vacuum cleaner. If you need toons from another movie to promote your own animated movie, I think you're in trouble.

Jumper - Looks fun. But you'd think eventually he would eventually jump into a john by accident.

E-Trade - selling investments by showing us a spitting up baby. Okay.

Bud Light - Beer can make you fly...oops Flying guy had a hot date with a jet engine. Beer is bad, kids.

Toyota - A Tattoo parlor. Nice! A fellow is getting his Ford Tattoo replaced by a Toyta Tundra Tattoo

Jack in the Box - Jack, in a swinger's hot tub. Cheesy. Just like the burger.

More prop 94-97 ads.

Toyota - A belt buckle. A Chevy belt buckle...being thrown out in favor of a Tundra buckle. Nice burn, Toyota.

Boy, it's top of the fourth and the score is still at 7-3 New England. Wow.

Sunsilk - Marilyn Monroe. Shakira. Madonna. What do they have in common? Sunsilk shampoo? Are you shittin' me?

Coke - It's the Macy's Parade. Stewie baloon and Underdog Balloon are throwing down for the Coke balloon. Charlie Brown is going to go for it! Yeah! After all those Peanut episodes of Charlie missing the punt, it's now all okay because he got a bottle full of caffeine and sugar.

Oh noes! The wussy Superbowl Assbot brought friends to take on the Terminator bot.

11 to go in the 4th and the Giants score an honest TD. Nice going, guys!

Field goal is made and the giants are at 10, NE 7.

Coke- Cut to James Carville and Bill Frist...Frist makes Carville buy him a coke. The two of them go off and take a tour of DC. And ride Segways, catch a game, get their pictures drawn. All over coke. Maybe it still does have cocaine in there.

Toyota- Big wheels are in effect. Fun times. But I still won't buy a Sequoia. Big wheels can fit in my small car no problem.

The Zohan - Adam Sandler as a special agent. And a Stylist. It's a rental.

New England's Offense cannot keep up with Giants defense. Ouch.

E-trade - More talking baby. Bonus points for creepy clown reference

Taco Bell - Fiesta Platter. Magical Mariachis appear when two dudes get taco bell? Baloney! The only things that sing when I get Taco Bell are my bowels.

Gatorade- Dog drinking water. Drippy jowels. Oh, the dog is drinking Gatorade. What?

Bud Light- The faux Jackie Moon promos are entertaining. thumbs up.

Hyundai - More Hyundai Genesis commercials. Yes, trust us, it drives like a mercedes. Uh huh. Just like those $20 burgers at Carl's Jr.

Pictures of the Athletic trainer for the Giants. Wow, he's up there in age.

2:45 left in the game and the Pats are at 3rd and Goal. Trailing by 3. I must commend these teams on keeping it so close. They are indeed well-matched.

Touchdown! Yay Pats! And they make the field goal. 14-10. Great job, guys.

Victoria's Secret - Now that the game is soon over, let's hope your girlfriend is sitting in the living room in her Victoria's Secret lingerie. Uh huh. You've spent 4-plus hours drinking beer and chowing on chili and onion dip, and you think your woman is going to woman is going to want to have hot sex with you. I have some bad news...

Amp- Oh. God. Chubby dude hooks jumper cables up to his nipples, plays Salt 'n Peppa's "Push it". Because he drinks "Amp", this method successfully jumps a poor woman's car. But what we don't see is how she's traumatized for life.

I will not acknowledge any commercial that plays "Escape: The Pina Colada Song". 'nuff said.

The Giants have 1:40 left to make a touch down. And it's 4th down and 1.

And it's looking like they will make it...

Eli and team held it together. And was it Tyree who looked like he broke his back trying to make that 43 yd catch?

A few more drives and the Giants make it. Well played again, Gentlemen. You kept your shit together and prevailed.

Brady bricked and Eli wins! Take that, pretty boy Brady.

I think my favorite commercials were the Careerbuilder ones, followed by Clydesdale/Rocky, Richard Simmons Bridgestone.

Well, that's it for me, folks. Now I'm off to read [livejournal.com profile] reannon's take on the Commercials over at Culturegeek. Y'all should go take a look over there yourselves if you already haven't.

Oh, the Happy Cows commercial at the Post-game was cute. Scheming male cows trying to lure the female cows with their bogus french skills. Simple, but amusing.

Oh, and now that I've perused [livejournal.com profile] reannon's Culturegeek posts, I wonder what her dad said about Victoria's Secret that she couldn't say on the site.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


weaktwos: (Default)

January 2017

1 234567

Most Popular Tags

Active Entries

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 12:25 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios