Saturday Night

[weaktwos]

taogrl came over tonight to hang out over Zelda's Pizza and a viewing of Return of the King.

I love that movie; I love the whole series. (semi-colon used here in honor of cattle_class)

The Steward of Gondor really chaps my heiny. First of all, there's a rabbit in his family tree, I just know it. Second, he's not just a Steward, he's a Steward-ass.

I also think there needs to be a tale told about the folks who supervise the beacons between Gondor and Rohan. Something like this:
(Excerpt of a Journal found at a Gondorian Beacon outpost)

My name is Yahnomir, and I am a Beacon guardian of Gondor. I've been given this assignment and have been serving in this capacity for many years. Initially, I joined the army of Gondor so that I could travel to interesting places and lure saucy Gondorian wenches into my bed. After basic training, I received my glorious assignment. Son of a Balrog, I was given Beacon station 12, north of the region of Lamedon. Or, as I've come to call it during my years of isolation, Lamadammadingdon. I must have pissed someone off. I was told that it would only be a one year tour. It's been 10. And does Gondor have anything to say to Rohan? No. Not a thing. It's a good thing, too. Because I think I lost my flint and steel. Oh, phew. There they are. They were hidden under my well worn "Bodice Issue" of "Gondor Illustrated".

I'm a lonely man. I haven't seen anyone for over two years. Supply runs on top of this mountain are not frequent, as you can imagine. Being solidly above the treeline, my source of meat is rather sparse. There are a few wayward marmots that wander up. Marmot pelt makes for fantastic hats, slippers, and mufflers, too. Unfortunately, they make lousy steaks.

It's too cold to masturbate.

I used to have a partner here at this outpost, but slipped and fell off the side of the mountain. I'd like to tell my superior at home about this, but I cannot leave my post, and there's no one here to deliver the letter. God, I hate this job.

Nope. still no messages from either side. Hey, I wonder if I start a fire, if the beacons on either side of me will light, thinking a message is coming from the other direction? Then, both sides would come to each other's aid, and pass each other on the road. Oh, the looks on their faces would be classic!

I think I'm going mad.

After the first two years here, I could print my name in the snow. Now I'm up to calligraphy in the snow.

Maybe I should take up yodeling.


****
Yeah, maybe something like that.

Comments

[modeleccentric.livejournal.com]

I think you've just told the tale.....If that doesn't sum up Soldierly Bitching, I don't know what does....I'm still chuckling.

[grimalkinrn.livejournal.com]

Oh my god.. did you write that?

[canyoncat.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when I watched the last movie and saw those guys lighting the beacons I thought to myself "God, what an awful job! How could anyone end up with an assigment like that?"

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

I did, yes. :-)

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Ah. Mission accomplished. The tale of Yahnomir must be told!

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Yes. It's totally a "short straw" job opportunity.

[taogrl.livejournal.com]

He, he, you got it just right.

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Danke!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :-)

[lavenderjones.livejournal.com]

MUST. ADD. weaktwos. TO. FRINEDS. LIST...........
....... FADING. FAST.

jenngbob (does anyone else type "suer" when making that tag?) sent me because of the WW recipe cards, which had me laughing so hard last night that I couldn't even TALK. Some would say that's a good thing. Anyway, I stayed for the rest of the fun, and am enjoying your writing, so may I add you to my f-list?

[lavenderjones.livejournal.com]

PS,
"FRINEDS" is Canadian for "FRIENDS". Now you are well versed in Canadian spelling. We will never tell why we use the U in words, though. National secret, that.

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Oh, please do. :-)Everyone is entitled to my opinion!

[lavenderjones.livejournal.com]

Heee!!! I know value and follow all your opinions.

[lavenderjones.livejournal.com]

I can see this as a major motion picture. Beautiful!

[lavenderjones.livejournal.com]

Or, as we say in Ckanada "now". I have know idea where the k kcame fkrom.

[grimalkinrn.livejournal.com]

Do you mind if I metaquote you?

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

No, I do not. :-)

[grimalkinrn.livejournal.com]

There you go.

[genesisdesire.livejournal.com]

So much of adding to friendslist. Your previous writing cracks my head up, and you have one of the cutest kats imaginable. (I beleive this cos it looks like a littler version of mine.)

[fourth-moon.livejournal.com]

Bloody fantastic. There's hardly a line that didn't make me laugh out loud.

The first thing I thought about the "beacon's are alight" sequence was "wow, gorgeous scenery". The second was "Those guards must have the most boring job in all of Middle Earth. Where do they get supplies, anyway?"

Thanks!

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Yes, my friend and I were positing the same thing when we watched the Return of the King on Saturday. Then I had fun writing this little idea before bed. :-)

[adjectivegirl.livejournal.com]

It's too cold to masturbate.

BWAH! I need a t-shirt that says that. Better yet, a sweatshirt. Came from metaquotes this tickles my LOTR geek fancy just as much as the Very Secret Diaries. :)

[wakasplat.livejournal.com]

I must be a weirdo or something (got here through a circuitous route leading through metaquotes from someone who saw my icon), I took one look at that and thought "You know, if I were living in Gondor, there's a job I wouldn't mind. Wouldn't have to see a lot of people very often. Cool."

From metaquotes

[naniris.livejournal.com]

This was too funny. *Adding to memories to share with friends later*

Nope. still no messages from either side. Hey, I wonder if I start a fire, if the beacons on either side of me will light, thinking a message is coming from the other direction? Then, both sides would come to each other's aid, and pass each other on the road. Oh, the looks on their faces would be classic

Love it, love it, love it.

Re: From metaquotes

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :-)

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Hah! Cafe Press, here I come!

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :-)

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Well, after reading my possible scenario, are you still okay with that? ;-)

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

I really wasn't happy with the handling of Denethor in the movies, although I recognize the dramatic necessity for most of it. In the books, he's not nearly such a piece of work. However, it's hard to show someone's slow descent into madness on screen.

One thing that I did like, though, was the way they played up the emotional-abuse angle of his relationship with Faramir. I've found that people who didn't grow up in dysfunctional families just Don't Get It unless they're really bashed over the head with it.

I'm here from metaquotes, BTW, and I think your Border Guard Journal excerpt is hilarious. It reminds me of the Cat Diaries.