Dennis Miller...

[weaktwos]

"If God gives you a strip of desert and calls it the promised land, you have to ask yourself, 'Has God ever seen Cabo?'"

Comments

[yansa.livejournal.com]

I don't know about the Big Guy's plans, but one night I had a vision where Loki himself gave me a huge chunk of southeastern Malheur County as the promised land! But I can't convince the rest of my tribe to move to Yansarusalem (formerly Jordan Valley, Oregon). I don't get it. Why can't they *understand*? My extended family -- we are the new chosen people! A Norse trickster deity said so! *sigh* I guess I'll have to wait for the pillar of fire, the pillar of cloud, the pillar of locusts, and the pillar of guilty-pleasure snack foods. *Then* they'll believe me!

--yansa!

[weaktwos.livejournal.com]

Well, tell those naysayers and infidels (or ninfidels, if you will) to put an "estoppel" in it.

I was told by a human sized jalipeno pepper that my promised land was around Fresno, California.

"O most holy jalipeno (holipeno)," I asked, "Does this land promise salvation and grace to all my followers?"

And the holipeno said unto me, "It promises to disappoint. There may be many grapes there, but they are the Grapes of Wrath. And the road to the promised land is fraught with peril. First, you must face the mammoth mack trucks on parade, and then there's the Harris Ranch, also known as the Cowpie Curtain of California. Summon thy holy noseclips, and ye shall persist."