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Mupdatage:
I was at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rubbrduckage's abode tonight playing a cutthroat game of Killer Bunnies with her and C. I got reamed both times due to a little rule from the Zodiac expansion deck and the fact that I only had one bunny to my name. It was funny as hell,and yet, revenge will be mine next week.
Rambling:
There was talk today that was on par with the timeless whine of "Nice guys finish last." I consider this phrase to be an issue of improperly defining the problem. The problem is not that the guy is nice. It's not about how nice you are. Everyone can be nice. Everyone is nice to the object of their affection, barring abusive relationships. However, abuse doesn't often manifest during the courtship, when everything is lovey-dovey. The guys who "get the girl" are perceived as assholes most likely because they got the girl. Odds are high that many people think the lonely nice guy can be an asshole too.
When someone whines about being a nice person and not being able to get dates, what is really happening is that you have been unable to obtain the necessary degree of mutual attraction to get that date. Life is full of situations where attractions are mismatched. One person likes the other more.
Furthermore, certain people possess traits that are attractive to a larger demographic, while others appeal to smaller, more specialized groups. So, some folks have a narrower field of prospective dates, especially if you don't spend a lot of time meeting new people. By traits, it could be anything from physical characteristics on up to emotional characteristics.
And then there are traits that could simply drive a person up the wall in a romantic situation. Folks can be friends with a lot of people that they couldn't possibly stand to spend extensive amounts of intimate time with. As friends, you can exchange knowledge/stories for a few hours, and then leave before any annoying habits render one homicidal. And so, when person A possesses some traits that person B finds highly annoying, and A asks B out, B will try to say something positive to cushion the pending rejection. And usually, the compliment is that you're nice. And it's true. On a friendly basis, everyone is nice. It's not like A is a puppy-killing baby-eater, so A is not worthy of scorn and bannishment. However, B is not suitably interested in A to remotely risk blending genetic code.
So what's the solution, lonely "nice" men of the world? Keep meeting people who share your interests. It's all about the law of large numbers. Somewhere out there is someone who is compatible with you. There are many someones, actually. But they may not be in your current circle of friends. But please, please. Drop the "nice guys finish last/assholes get the girl" complaint.
I was at
rubbrduckage's abode tonight playing a cutthroat game of Killer Bunnies with her and C. I got reamed both times due to a little rule from the Zodiac expansion deck and the fact that I only had one bunny to my name. It was funny as hell,and yet, revenge will be mine next week.Rambling:
There was talk today that was on par with the timeless whine of "Nice guys finish last." I consider this phrase to be an issue of improperly defining the problem. The problem is not that the guy is nice. It's not about how nice you are. Everyone can be nice. Everyone is nice to the object of their affection, barring abusive relationships. However, abuse doesn't often manifest during the courtship, when everything is lovey-dovey. The guys who "get the girl" are perceived as assholes most likely because they got the girl. Odds are high that many people think the lonely nice guy can be an asshole too.
When someone whines about being a nice person and not being able to get dates, what is really happening is that you have been unable to obtain the necessary degree of mutual attraction to get that date. Life is full of situations where attractions are mismatched. One person likes the other more.
Furthermore, certain people possess traits that are attractive to a larger demographic, while others appeal to smaller, more specialized groups. So, some folks have a narrower field of prospective dates, especially if you don't spend a lot of time meeting new people. By traits, it could be anything from physical characteristics on up to emotional characteristics.
And then there are traits that could simply drive a person up the wall in a romantic situation. Folks can be friends with a lot of people that they couldn't possibly stand to spend extensive amounts of intimate time with. As friends, you can exchange knowledge/stories for a few hours, and then leave before any annoying habits render one homicidal. And so, when person A possesses some traits that person B finds highly annoying, and A asks B out, B will try to say something positive to cushion the pending rejection. And usually, the compliment is that you're nice. And it's true. On a friendly basis, everyone is nice. It's not like A is a puppy-killing baby-eater, so A is not worthy of scorn and bannishment. However, B is not suitably interested in A to remotely risk blending genetic code.
So what's the solution, lonely "nice" men of the world? Keep meeting people who share your interests. It's all about the law of large numbers. Somewhere out there is someone who is compatible with you. There are many someones, actually. But they may not be in your current circle of friends. But please, please. Drop the "nice guys finish last/assholes get the girl" complaint.
