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weaktwosI was talking to my mother a while ago. She had suggested that I don't really sense the pain that others feel. I had told her to the contrary, I often sit and think that there are numerous people who are suffering at this very moment. She was suprised that I thought in that fashion. She sees me as often content, happy-go-lucky sort, with very little patience for complaints. That's not quite true. I think anyone should complain, but they should also envision a solution. In person, I may not be the best listener, for I'm a problem solver at heart.
I despise suffering, though to some extent, I believe it is necessary for growth and wisdom.
And this is true. However trite the phrase, I do believe that one must change what you can, but accept that which you cannot change. The trick for many is knowing which is which.
The fact of the matter is that you cannot control other people and your actions. You can persuade, they might follow, but there are no guarantees. All you can ever do is control your own actions and choices. Unfortunately, sometimes we are our own worst enemy, and sometimes we don't even control our own choices very well.
This thought process was brought on by a friend of mine here in town where I live. He's a sweet person, sometimes. However, he's woven a rich tapestry of dysfunction around himself. He's got alcoholic tendencies, issues with interpersonal relationships, and a lack of motivation for his career. He's always too broke. There's always some little problem happening where his car breaks down. He really doesn't need extra stress, but it always finds him.
After watching him, seeing the choices he makes, I came to realize that he was living in his own private Idaho, and he had to get out of that state. But no one ever leaves that state unless they know where they are and are overcome with the rapturous desire to get the hell out of there. He was making choices to contribute to his problems. An ounce of prevention truly is a pound of cure, yet he was never motivated to take preventative actions; to plan ahead and save for the future. Worst of all, he was a Boyscout for fuck's sake. Isn't there a "Be Prepared" motto in there, somewhere?
I see him sit and dream about what he wants to do with his life, yet make no effort to make a plan or change the behaviors in his current life that would lead him closer to those goals. He can list a million reasons why he cannot pursue is dreams, but not come up with ways to make his dreams come true.
Well, that's all bullshit. It is a common pitfall, but it is utter and complete bullshit. I cannot understand why many of us humans put ourselves through such hell, wasting our time moping and wondering what could be instead of moving towards what could be. One should balance their time between contemplation and execution to avoid stagnation and misdirection.
When I said I can't understand why he cannot make a plan to make his dreams come true, he asked me not to judge him. But it's not about judgement. It's about getting over yourself and your demons. Whether there's a god and a/or a devil or not, the solution lies in yourself and your choices. Often times, behind lucky breaks are hours, days, weeks , years of preparation for that one open door towards your wildest dreams. Furthermore, time spent working towards your dream were well spent with a purpose and a drive, not despair and gallons of booze. (don't get me wrong, booze has a time and a place, but not every time, and not every place.)
Anyway, I suppose what I'm getting at is though you cannot prevent obstacles from appearing in your life, you should do the utmost to ensure that you're not the obstacle in your own life. There are a million opportunities before each of us. The choices we make can expand or contract those opportunities. And because we cannot stop all the misery in this world, we can work hard to prevent our own.
I despise suffering, though to some extent, I believe it is necessary for growth and wisdom.
And this is true. However trite the phrase, I do believe that one must change what you can, but accept that which you cannot change. The trick for many is knowing which is which.
The fact of the matter is that you cannot control other people and your actions. You can persuade, they might follow, but there are no guarantees. All you can ever do is control your own actions and choices. Unfortunately, sometimes we are our own worst enemy, and sometimes we don't even control our own choices very well.
This thought process was brought on by a friend of mine here in town where I live. He's a sweet person, sometimes. However, he's woven a rich tapestry of dysfunction around himself. He's got alcoholic tendencies, issues with interpersonal relationships, and a lack of motivation for his career. He's always too broke. There's always some little problem happening where his car breaks down. He really doesn't need extra stress, but it always finds him.
After watching him, seeing the choices he makes, I came to realize that he was living in his own private Idaho, and he had to get out of that state. But no one ever leaves that state unless they know where they are and are overcome with the rapturous desire to get the hell out of there. He was making choices to contribute to his problems. An ounce of prevention truly is a pound of cure, yet he was never motivated to take preventative actions; to plan ahead and save for the future. Worst of all, he was a Boyscout for fuck's sake. Isn't there a "Be Prepared" motto in there, somewhere?
I see him sit and dream about what he wants to do with his life, yet make no effort to make a plan or change the behaviors in his current life that would lead him closer to those goals. He can list a million reasons why he cannot pursue is dreams, but not come up with ways to make his dreams come true.
Well, that's all bullshit. It is a common pitfall, but it is utter and complete bullshit. I cannot understand why many of us humans put ourselves through such hell, wasting our time moping and wondering what could be instead of moving towards what could be. One should balance their time between contemplation and execution to avoid stagnation and misdirection.
When I said I can't understand why he cannot make a plan to make his dreams come true, he asked me not to judge him. But it's not about judgement. It's about getting over yourself and your demons. Whether there's a god and a/or a devil or not, the solution lies in yourself and your choices. Often times, behind lucky breaks are hours, days, weeks , years of preparation for that one open door towards your wildest dreams. Furthermore, time spent working towards your dream were well spent with a purpose and a drive, not despair and gallons of booze. (don't get me wrong, booze has a time and a place, but not every time, and not every place.)
Anyway, I suppose what I'm getting at is though you cannot prevent obstacles from appearing in your life, you should do the utmost to ensure that you're not the obstacle in your own life. There are a million opportunities before each of us. The choices we make can expand or contract those opportunities. And because we cannot stop all the misery in this world, we can work hard to prevent our own.
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no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 05:16 pm (UTC)*adds to memories*
Since you are so wise, may I ask you: What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing differently?
Socrates said it best when he said...
Date: 2003-09-28 05:24 pm (UTC)I make mistakes like the rest of them. But specifically, what avenue were you seeking advice/my opion in? For example, if it's emotional/relationship issues, I would have to say I'm still a flunky, there. Career?
Re: Socrates said it best when he said...
Date: 2003-09-28 05:26 pm (UTC)Wise indeed.
Date: 2003-09-28 05:42 pm (UTC)I hope your friend is able to focus and become a bit more pragmatic (read: like you) in dealing with his stressful situations. Seems to me our society is in a state of decay because so many harbor lofty dreams, but have no goal or plan to make them happen. Nothing is sadder than looking back and thinking "I should have..." when one could have with a little bit of effort. It just takes gall and gumption to get up and go, and I'm glad he has you to set an example.
Good readin', babes. Thanks.
Well, in general, I would have to say...
Date: 2003-09-28 05:43 pm (UTC)To achieve success aspects in life(career, love,etc), you have to assume a certain amount of risk. There will always be unknowns.
Take chances, learn from your mistakes, but don't learn to be afraid of making mistakes. Follow your instincts, yet acquire and strengthen your bullshit detector.
When it comes to deciding where you want to make progress in your life, take sometime to evaluate whether what you are doing furthers your goals, or detracts for them.
The convergence of people's actions and words is key.
When it comes to this guy you've fallen for. You need to decide whether or not he is what you want or need in your life. Don't overlook important details, like the fact that he's obviously confused about his own feelings, and not capable of being sensitive to your feelings. He's giving you mixed messages, which combined sends out one clear message: "He is the bull in the emotional china shop." Whether it is intentional or not, you give these people wide births (lock up the china!), and wait until they straighten up and fly right.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 06:12 pm (UTC)Glad to hear you're doing well. :-)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 06:48 pm (UTC)IMHO, you're completely callous to any pain you don't feel is $justified, for your definition of justified, and $avoidable != 'justified', also for your definition of avoidable.
As Hesse said in Siddhartha, "wisdom cannot be taught; it must be learned." Everyone learns at their own pace, and has their own bottom, and it != $yours.
Perhaps
Date: 2003-09-28 06:59 pm (UTC)Whether they learn it now or later is fine. But if they want to solve their problem sooner, then they need to be a little bit more accountable for their own decisions now, rather than later.
I don't need to be sympathetic to them for spinning their wheels. I can empathize, for I spin my own wheels on certain issues. The fact of the matter is they need to snap out of their destructive behavior.
In my mother's case, I've listened to her make the same complaint, have the same concerns over the past 10 years. She refuses to adapt.
Re: Perhaps
Date: 2003-09-28 07:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 07:37 pm (UTC)But if they are miserable, and they want to change it, they will find a way to make that change. The status quo is not the correct path if they truly want that change. That's all I'm saying.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 07:46 pm (UTC)It's playing God, because you seem to know a better destiny they should be having right now as opposed to the one they are having, which implies omnipotence and a knowledge of the Divine Plan.
No...
Date: 2003-09-28 07:59 pm (UTC)As for my solutions and their destiny. What I offer is vague enough for them to personalize and apply in a way they see fit.
It's not rocket science, it's not God-like, it's simple common sense that gets easily overlooked due to clouded emotions.
Re: No...
Date: 2003-09-28 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:32 pm (UTC)I still think it's interesting to read all your posts, despite such little contact in our lives and such little knowledge of each other.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:50 pm (UTC)I like light posts. They make a wonderful balance to my life.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 09:08 pm (UTC)Re: No...
Date: 2003-09-28 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-28 09:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 06:48 am (UTC)I totally agree and have put myself into a victim role time and time again and guess what? IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.
Remember this year I said it was the year for not taking anymore shit? Well. I must say, I am doing an excellent job.
The people that have been in my way of ME making my and Julia's dreams come true - are no longer influencing me. (the ex tries but he's been stopped)
My fears of succeeding have been put by the wayside - oh sure we all have fears but at LEAST I can say I have them and try and do something about it :)
Thanks for that post, you rock ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 08:49 am (UTC)It's difficult to tell people things like this, though. When they complain and you start throwing around words like responsibility, or accountability, they hear, "This is all your fault" and reject it; most commonly telling you you're "playing God", or that you have no compassion.
Existentialism = accepting responsibility that we are responsible for our experiences :)
no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-29 11:16 pm (UTC)Now that I think of it, the phrase "playing God" is just plain silly.
no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 09:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-30 10:13 pm (UTC)