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weaktwosI was talking to my mother a while ago. She had suggested that I don't really sense the pain that others feel. I had told her to the contrary, I often sit and think that there are numerous people who are suffering at this very moment. She was suprised that I thought in that fashion. She sees me as often content, happy-go-lucky sort, with very little patience for complaints. That's not quite true. I think anyone should complain, but they should also envision a solution. In person, I may not be the best listener, for I'm a problem solver at heart.
I despise suffering, though to some extent, I believe it is necessary for growth and wisdom.
And this is true. However trite the phrase, I do believe that one must change what you can, but accept that which you cannot change. The trick for many is knowing which is which.
The fact of the matter is that you cannot control other people and your actions. You can persuade, they might follow, but there are no guarantees. All you can ever do is control your own actions and choices. Unfortunately, sometimes we are our own worst enemy, and sometimes we don't even control our own choices very well.
This thought process was brought on by a friend of mine here in town where I live. He's a sweet person, sometimes. However, he's woven a rich tapestry of dysfunction around himself. He's got alcoholic tendencies, issues with interpersonal relationships, and a lack of motivation for his career. He's always too broke. There's always some little problem happening where his car breaks down. He really doesn't need extra stress, but it always finds him.
After watching him, seeing the choices he makes, I came to realize that he was living in his own private Idaho, and he had to get out of that state. But no one ever leaves that state unless they know where they are and are overcome with the rapturous desire to get the hell out of there. He was making choices to contribute to his problems. An ounce of prevention truly is a pound of cure, yet he was never motivated to take preventative actions; to plan ahead and save for the future. Worst of all, he was a Boyscout for fuck's sake. Isn't there a "Be Prepared" motto in there, somewhere?
I see him sit and dream about what he wants to do with his life, yet make no effort to make a plan or change the behaviors in his current life that would lead him closer to those goals. He can list a million reasons why he cannot pursue is dreams, but not come up with ways to make his dreams come true.
Well, that's all bullshit. It is a common pitfall, but it is utter and complete bullshit. I cannot understand why many of us humans put ourselves through such hell, wasting our time moping and wondering what could be instead of moving towards what could be. One should balance their time between contemplation and execution to avoid stagnation and misdirection.
When I said I can't understand why he cannot make a plan to make his dreams come true, he asked me not to judge him. But it's not about judgement. It's about getting over yourself and your demons. Whether there's a god and a/or a devil or not, the solution lies in yourself and your choices. Often times, behind lucky breaks are hours, days, weeks , years of preparation for that one open door towards your wildest dreams. Furthermore, time spent working towards your dream were well spent with a purpose and a drive, not despair and gallons of booze. (don't get me wrong, booze has a time and a place, but not every time, and not every place.)
Anyway, I suppose what I'm getting at is though you cannot prevent obstacles from appearing in your life, you should do the utmost to ensure that you're not the obstacle in your own life. There are a million opportunities before each of us. The choices we make can expand or contract those opportunities. And because we cannot stop all the misery in this world, we can work hard to prevent our own.
I despise suffering, though to some extent, I believe it is necessary for growth and wisdom.
And this is true. However trite the phrase, I do believe that one must change what you can, but accept that which you cannot change. The trick for many is knowing which is which.
The fact of the matter is that you cannot control other people and your actions. You can persuade, they might follow, but there are no guarantees. All you can ever do is control your own actions and choices. Unfortunately, sometimes we are our own worst enemy, and sometimes we don't even control our own choices very well.
This thought process was brought on by a friend of mine here in town where I live. He's a sweet person, sometimes. However, he's woven a rich tapestry of dysfunction around himself. He's got alcoholic tendencies, issues with interpersonal relationships, and a lack of motivation for his career. He's always too broke. There's always some little problem happening where his car breaks down. He really doesn't need extra stress, but it always finds him.
After watching him, seeing the choices he makes, I came to realize that he was living in his own private Idaho, and he had to get out of that state. But no one ever leaves that state unless they know where they are and are overcome with the rapturous desire to get the hell out of there. He was making choices to contribute to his problems. An ounce of prevention truly is a pound of cure, yet he was never motivated to take preventative actions; to plan ahead and save for the future. Worst of all, he was a Boyscout for fuck's sake. Isn't there a "Be Prepared" motto in there, somewhere?
I see him sit and dream about what he wants to do with his life, yet make no effort to make a plan or change the behaviors in his current life that would lead him closer to those goals. He can list a million reasons why he cannot pursue is dreams, but not come up with ways to make his dreams come true.
Well, that's all bullshit. It is a common pitfall, but it is utter and complete bullshit. I cannot understand why many of us humans put ourselves through such hell, wasting our time moping and wondering what could be instead of moving towards what could be. One should balance their time between contemplation and execution to avoid stagnation and misdirection.
When I said I can't understand why he cannot make a plan to make his dreams come true, he asked me not to judge him. But it's not about judgement. It's about getting over yourself and your demons. Whether there's a god and a/or a devil or not, the solution lies in yourself and your choices. Often times, behind lucky breaks are hours, days, weeks , years of preparation for that one open door towards your wildest dreams. Furthermore, time spent working towards your dream were well spent with a purpose and a drive, not despair and gallons of booze. (don't get me wrong, booze has a time and a place, but not every time, and not every place.)
Anyway, I suppose what I'm getting at is though you cannot prevent obstacles from appearing in your life, you should do the utmost to ensure that you're not the obstacle in your own life. There are a million opportunities before each of us. The choices we make can expand or contract those opportunities. And because we cannot stop all the misery in this world, we can work hard to prevent our own.
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Re: Socrates said it best when he said...
Date: 2003-09-28 05:26 pm (UTC)Well, in general, I would have to say...
Date: 2003-09-28 05:43 pm (UTC)To achieve success aspects in life(career, love,etc), you have to assume a certain amount of risk. There will always be unknowns.
Take chances, learn from your mistakes, but don't learn to be afraid of making mistakes. Follow your instincts, yet acquire and strengthen your bullshit detector.
When it comes to deciding where you want to make progress in your life, take sometime to evaluate whether what you are doing furthers your goals, or detracts for them.
The convergence of people's actions and words is key.
When it comes to this guy you've fallen for. You need to decide whether or not he is what you want or need in your life. Don't overlook important details, like the fact that he's obviously confused about his own feelings, and not capable of being sensitive to your feelings. He's giving you mixed messages, which combined sends out one clear message: "He is the bull in the emotional china shop." Whether it is intentional or not, you give these people wide births (lock up the china!), and wait until they straighten up and fly right.